Friday, April 12, 2013

Filling the Gaps

During Gavin's last hospital stay at CHKD,  I met another mom with a son who had some of the same health issues Gavin has.  She told me that God does give us more than we can handle sometimes, but during those times he fills the gaps with others who will help us through.  This takes me back to the force of guardian angels surrounding Gavin and our family.

It wasn't even two weeks ago that I broke down on my stairs at being so overwhelmed and feeling like I couldn't make this journey on my own anymore.  I sat there holding Gavin with Lorelai sitting beside me, and broke at the reality of not being able to do this on my own.  And then the most amazing thing happened.

I literally saw a jaw dropping force of guardian angels rise up to fill those gaps for us.  Within hours, there were phone calls of "Tell me what to do." "We want to help." "What do you need?"  There was a site set up for people to bring meals during the week to make our nightly schedule a little easier.  There were people from out of town asking how to help.  There were friends of friends who said, "I'm here for whatever you need."  Not that people haven't offered to help before, but this was the first time I had a spirit to be able to accept that help.  I don't even know the vast majority of these angels who have come to help us.  But I do know, that every single person has been hand picked to come into our lives and help us in times when we are not strong enough on our own.

The sweetest couple came over to deliver dinner one night, and mentioned that Gavin was on their church's prayer list.  I always love hearing stuff like that.  Gavin is a very special little boy.  He has churches all over the country praying for him!  An old family friend who happens to live in the area, came over to help with a bag change AND some much needed adult conversation!  To just have a moment that wasn't about work or the kids was a rejuvenating.  Last night, I was just beginning to have trouble with a bag change when my doorbell rang with an angel bringing dinner, and an extra set of hands to help with a bag change.

One morning this past week, I opened the door and there was the sweetest card and two stuffed animals on the front porch.  The note said it was "something to brighten Lorelai and Gavin's day."  As a mom, seeing love and consideration like that for your children makes your day too.  Lorelai put Gavin's gift in his carseat, and she did so for the rest of the week every morning we were getting ready to head out for daycare.  She has taken her toy to daycare every day too.  I asked her if she knew who brought her the present, and she said, "the Easter bunny rabbit."  I had to laugh.  I told her no, that an angel came by our house and left us a little piece of love that day.  Now everytime she holds that toy, or points to Gavin's, she says that it's from the angel.  Just tonight, I got a message that two sweet boys wanted to mail us a picture to make us smile since we were having such a hard time.  That is so heart warming. 

I cannot express enough how comforting this has all been.  I hope that everyone knows how much this means to our family, and how grateful we are for this powerful force of guardian angels.  Things have gotten to a point where I cannot physically do it all on my own.  But as soon as I fell down, our family was surrounded by an army that picked us up and are carrying us until we become stronger and learn to handle the weight of these new challenges.  There is darkness and apathy that makes our journey more difficult.  But I have to say, that those darkeset times are no comparison for the light and grace that floods our path and brings us through the harder days.  For the hard times, tears really only come on the days that I feel like I cannot do what is best for my children on my own.  If my life is harder, oh well.  But when it seems as though my kids are suffering, that is heart wrenching.  But I can never control the tears that come from someone's kindness and generosity.  You may think you just cooked a meal.  Or dropped off a stuffed animal.  Or wrote something encouraging.  Or mailed a picture.  But those actions have so much impact on our lives that I could never appropriately thank everyone for exactly what you have provided.  More time to spend with my kids.  More smiles on their faces.  One less item on the to do list.  Hope.  Love.  The beauty of humanity.  Kindness.  So to all of our guardian angels, to all of you who have followed our story and given us strength, thank you for filling the gaps when our burden was too heavy to carry on our own.  Thank you for surrounding us in love.

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